I actually about dreamt this months ago, a lovely dream wherein I had a spacious apartment in New York, and I had rearranged all my furniture, and gotten new pieces. The most memorable was a massive apothecary chest, worn with use and time, which stretched from the table where it sat to nearly touching the high ceiling. Curiously in writing this I described it first as an alchemist’s chest, and though I’m not sure if such a piece of furniture exists, I’ll gladly take that rendition of the piece.

As part of this waking-life rearrangement, I’ve serendipitously acquired a new tool for time management, the Autofocus System, which balances both the rational list-making mind and the intuitive energy-sensing mind. You can read all about it on Mark Forster’s website, as he is the man behind the magic. But I’ll give a quick synopsis of how it works here.

Basically, it’s a big list. Everything you need to do, right there in one lined, regular-sized notebook. For some people it would probably make sense to have a “home” notebook and a “work” notebook, but since I work at home such an approach really won’t work for me. Anytime you think of something you need to do, you just add it to the end of the list. So meditate might be right there next to change out cat litter. But also on the list will be creative and recreational activities—just whatever comes into that sweet meadow of your mind.

This next part is really the fun part. Because first you review the list, a page at a time: first scanning it, and then considering each item on the list. And you wait for something to click. You’re waiting for the feeling that this item is the thing to do now. You put a little dot by it, and get busy. If you work on it for a little while and feel the energy waning, you cross it off your list and write it again at the bottom of your list. This works well for me on so many levels. If I only have so long to work on a task, that’s okay, it’s still there, on my list, and I can come back to it whenever I am ready for it. Also, larger tasks are naturally broken down into manageable little blocks. Such a difference this makes for me, as I get overwhelmed so easily!

There’s another part of the process, whereby you dismiss tasks that have been sitting for too long. Instead of dismissing one item at a time, however, you dismiss an entire page, so whatever items are still left on it are simply marked with a highlighter, and that’s it. You are done with a page.

If you are interested in actually using the Autofocus system, please visit Mr. Forster’s website. He has a video there, and written instructions that explain in detail the system he has developed.

Coming Soon: a new website, a painting in progress, and some words (or more likely, a lot of words) on the balancing act of homeschool and creative work.

Last week my second eldest daughter–twenty-years-old and five months pregnant–moved out when an apartment opportunity that could not be missed opened up for her.  There was the great chaotic heave of a move.  My sister-in-law came for a visit, and I brought out the mismatched accommodations of my home .  My brother-in-law, who has been a long-term interim resident (figure out that one, I haven’t yet), left for Michigan.

By Tuesday, at the  dinner table, it was the four of us:  me and Jay, McKinley and Renee.  Just us at the table.  It was rather surreal.  I realized I’ve not a clue how to cook for just four people.

Today creative thoughts and ideas swirled around in my head and they were not tagged with the weight of frustration, which has been my state of creativity for…a Very Long Time.  These ideas –about last night’s dreaming, stories, paintings, and how they all fit together–they were not mired in the realm of That Which I Can Never Accomplish,  no, not at all!    They whisped about in the blue sky of mind, forming and reforming as they collected a growing energy throughout the day.

Now I am in my studio.  I am listening to Bach.  There is a breeze rushing the darkness beyond my windows.  I am wearing my creativity like a well-worn sweater, the soft one  that fits every curve of your body and warms your skin perfectly.  The one you find in the bottom of your drawer after you thought you’d lost it.  I glow with playfulness.   I am the light in my windows.

I’ve had no real kitchen space for over a week. Making a cup of tea is a ridiculous orchestration of gathering the tea kettle from one space, the tea from another, the mug, the cream, the honey, all in assorted places, coming together at the grill, where the sauce-simmering-eye provides ready heat. We are having kitchen cabinets built. It will be marvelous. Right now it’s kinda lame.

Then there is the heat. The hot humid combo makes me snarl. My children wrap their arms around me and I peel them off with a yucky face. My son, being the darling ten-year-old that he is, sees this as the opportune time to give me more hugs.

But these things can’t be the cause of the dark funk of my creative heart. I know this. So I write and I paint, then swear and curse and look out at the pink thunderheads of the evening with jaded eyes. I must persevere. Trudge through the mud.

I give myself a challenge. A 30 day challenge: I’ll draw one sacred geometry design every day. Some of these I’ll paint, most will probably never make it that far. Who’s to know the reasoning for this? I won’t pretend I have some grand premise motivating me. I’ve barely any motivation at all. Just a slim bit of steeliness. There’s probably nothing but time and a good pair of boots to get me through this. And maybe too I just want to prove to myself that I have some discipline. That I can commit myself to something simple and beautiful for one month. My compass is at the ready for the morning.

It’s a fine summer night. Tomorrow will be hot and luscious and we will eat peaches off our trees and swim again in the river. Maybe it will rain again on my laundry, the clouds attempting to temper my happiness.

Happiness. Such a fickle thing, even when one has every reason in the world to indulge in it! But it seems that I’ve found my way back to it, with a little dedication to my creative practice. Just the tiniest bit! What would happen if I never wavered in my practice?

I would like to find out.

Excuses for neglecting my creative work. I know I am not alone here. We mothers are naturally, perhaps even biologically, inclined to sacrifice vital parts of ourselves for our families. Some of us. I do see others that amaze me with their creative discipline an accomplishments. Sometimes, like say earlier this week, I spread a little blame around to family members (saying my marriage has more traditional gender roles than I’d like, or that my kids require more supervision and direction from me than they actually really do), but in the end I’ll take the blame for it. I know it’s only fair and after all it’s really more empowering to acknowledge that I am choosing this for myself. That’s something I can change.

On the backdrop of my own malaise, however, is the exciting prospect of our road trip to Glacier National Park. We are leaving within ten days! I’ve made packing lists and lists of what needs to be done before we go (which is a lot, because not only are the peaches hanging like fuzzy orange lanterns from the trees, begging to be harvested, but the tomatoes are also considering other states besides green. And we’ve been getting rain and hot hot sun). So I’ll be a busy little bee, humming along. There’s something very exciting about taking a big trip. It certainly seems to stir things up a bit, and it helps me see the end to the trail of mud I’m squelching through. Between traveling and reinstating some key daily practices (writing, meditating, moving), I think you’ll be hearing from me very soon.

And here is how my piece progressed:

Today is another gorgeous spring day! Who knows what treasures it will hold?

I got up to the studio yesterday and have this to show for it.  I plan on spending hours and hours in that wonderful place this week, so stay tuned for developments on this piece and others!

I like the spots…can’t decide if I’ll take it further with my Micron pens or not.

Later Renee and I did some laundry, and then I took a great nap (halfway on the pile of laundry).  After waking I pulled out the sewing machine and made some napkins from some thick, luscious fabric from the community free room:

I had fun making the fringes!

Later I had a lovely visit with a friend, tidied up, and enjoyed a dinner grilled by my husband and assistants.  And after all of that, the Moon rose big and brilliant above Pine Ridge.  We decided to take a moonwalk down to the river.   I got up on the swinging bridge and watched the water dance with light.  I live in a beautiful beautiful place, and I am so very appreciative of my life!

October Hawthorns

I’ve been slammed with a lot of work lately–tax prep (whew, that’s done!), hosting a baby shower for my oldest daughter (yes, you read that right!), and getting pieces framed and ready for the OOAK Gallery in Micaville, NC.  I also have work now in the TRAC Galleries in both Burnsville and Spruce Pine, NC–cards, prints, and originals.  More on those in a bit.  The piece above is hanging in the OOAK Gallery, and I really do love the vivid color and lacy branches of this piece.  Also in that gallery is “Bluets” a tiny painting of blue-faced joy:

Bluets

I’ve also spent a good bit of time recently getting my cards ready.  I found a wonderful and luscious rag paper for them and I’m really pleased with the results.  The images are lush and crisp and the paper feels like velvet.  They are lovingly packaged in little sleeves of a biodegradable plant-based plastic alternative, and come with a 100% post consumer waste recycled envelope.    Soon I’ll be opening up a new Etsy shop–themagicofhands.etsy.com– (it’s empty right now) and you will be able to purchase them there!  It’s all part of my big plan to take over the world with magic and beauty.

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All of this work has thrown me off-center a little bit, and I’ve still got some deadlines to meet.  But Monday and today I was able to slow down just a little bit and get my bearings.  I transplanted kale and cabbage and collards into the garden, then mapped out my planting schedule according to signs of the moon (see thealmanack.com).  I got a small bit of time in the studio.  I read some cool stuff with my kids, and played math games.  I cleaned.

And all the while I asked myself, “Where is my joy?”  Which is not to say that I an unhappy, but that after several weeks of stressing about an assortment of things, I feel the need to get centered, find my North Star, and adjust my inner workings accordingly.   And my center is without question my relationship to the earth, the ground that I walk on, the earth that feeds me and adorns my world with beauty.

So tomorrow is Wednesday, the weather forecast fine.  I’m hoping for one of those magical days of sunlight and exploding green.  I want to walk barefoot in my garden, survey the new strawberry patch, weed another herb bed.  I want to walk down to the river and find wildflowers, toothwort would even suffice.  I want to fill my day with beauty, and let Spring’s magic flow through me.  Then I can move on to other deadlines, other obligations, my compass set.

And here is a little pastel painting I started today of those darling bluets that I love so much.  I can’t decide if I love them because they bloom in such cheery groups, or because they are that wonderful periwinkle color that makes me so happy.  Hopefully I’ll be finished tomorrow!

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